Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
