ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
