Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
