Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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