please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
