he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize