dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
