I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
