why didn't you poke me back
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
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his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes