My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?