he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.