We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.