I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.