mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
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