community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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