you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
