My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
