I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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