i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize