i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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