lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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