Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
