I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
