You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
