Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
