put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
