I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize