i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
