Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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