I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
