I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
