he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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