Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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