Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize