ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
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Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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