btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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