Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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