Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
