i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
