just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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