Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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