he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize