and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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