Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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