I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize