I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
