Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
