it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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