Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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