$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
