you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
