Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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