How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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