i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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