I'm pants shitting drunk right now
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
