Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
