no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
