my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
