Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize