i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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