Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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