i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
did i just pee glitter
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
