and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?