Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.