They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times