it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!