he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going