Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class