"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now