i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.