I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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